Houston. We Have a Problem. Could Joe Rogan, Garth Brooks, or Tom Segura Be Serial Killers?

Houston. We Have a Problem. Could Joe Rogan, Garth Brooks, or Tom Segura Be Serial Killers? Let’s Dive Into It.

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Houston, we have a problem.

Bodies keep turning up in the water.

Not once.
Not twice.
But year after year.

Bayous. Lakes. Urban waterways that run through nightlife districts, homeless corridors, and poorly lit stretches of city infrastructure. When bodies repeatedly surface in the same environments, people don’t just grieve—they start asking whether coincidence is doing too much work.

That’s where conspiracy begins.

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The stage: Buffalo Bayou and Lady Bird Lake

Buffalo Bayou is Houston’s original artery. It predates the skyline, the highways, the nightlife. It has always been a corridor—of trade, of movement, of survival. Water that cuts through the city doesn’t just carry runoff. It carries history.

Lady Bird Lake plays a similar role in Austin. It sits beside bars, trails, festivals, and dense nightlife. It is beautiful by day and unforgiving at night.

Water hides evidence.
Water delays discovery.
Water turns simple answers into open questions.

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Houston bayou bodies: year-by-year (reported recoveries)

Based on compiled reporting from Houston-area media, here are reported body recoveries from Houston-area bayous, not confirmed homicides, not tied to a single cause, and not asserted to be linked—just the numbers that keep appearing.

• 2019: approximately 17 bodies recovered
• 2020: approximately 19 bodies recovered
• 2021: approximately 21 bodies recovered
• 2022: approximately 20 bodies recovered
• 2023: approximately 22 bodies recovered
• 2024: approximately 35 bodies recovered
• 2025: reporting varies by cutoff, but totals are generally cited in the low 30s

Buffalo Bayou itself is a subset of these totals, averaging 4–10 recoveries per year depending on the year.

On February 2, 2026, Houston police investigated another body recovered from Buffalo Bayou, with early statements noting no obvious signs of foul play pending medical examiner review.

Numbers don’t prove intent.
But numbers do create patterns people react to.

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Austin enters the picture: Lady Bird Lake deaths by year

Now compare Houston to Austin.

Lady Bird Lake has generated its own recurring headlines, feeding what social media dubbed the “Rainey Street Ripper” rumor. Again—these are reported recoveries, not accusations.

• 2019: approximately 3 bodies
• 2020: approximately 2 bodies
• 2021: approximately 4 bodies
• 2022: 4 bodies
• 2023: 5 bodies
• 2024: 5 bodies
• 2025: 2 bodies

Austin officials and researchers later stated that long-term analysis did not show a single-offender pattern. That conclusion, however, did not end public speculation—because speculation doesn’t wait for studies.

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Now introduce the timeline that fuels the conspiracy

Here is where people start lining dates up side-by-side.

• Joe Rogan announced his move from California to Austin in 2020, citing political climate, cost, and creative freedom.
• Rogan officially launched his Austin-based studio operations between 2020 and 2021.
• Tom Segura, Rogan’s close friend and frequent collaborator, relocated to Austin shortly afterward, with public references placing his move around 2021–2022.

During this same multi-year window:
• Houston bayou recoveries increased in visibility
• Austin lake recoveries became a viral talking point
• Comedy culture was already circulating a long-running “serial killer” meme

Coincidence?
Correlation?
Or simply the internet doing what it does best—connecting dots whether they belong together or not?

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The Garth Brooks meme that became folklore

Years before any of this, Segura had already helped create one of the strangest running jokes in modern comedy culture.

A satirical bit exaggerating the intense, hyper-enthusiastic online persona of Garth Brooks. Phrases like “Where are the bodies?” were never meant as accusations—only absurd escalation.

But memes don’t stay where they start.

By September 2025, Segura publicly claimed Brooks had blocked him on social media, likely in response to years of fan trolling tied to the joke.

Silence, in conspiracy culture, is never neutral.

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Why these names keep getting pulled in

This is not about guilt.
This is about symbolism.

One man represents long-form conversation culture.
One represents comedy that thrives on discomfort..
Signed
Ah’na’El Rains | February 2026

© 2025 Gabe Rains / Sacred Awakens™
All rights reserved.

Disclaimer
This article is a satirical conspiracy-theory and cultural commentary created for entertainment, discussion, and analysis of public narratives. It does not assert, accuse, or imply criminal behavior by any named individual. All references to public figures are presented as symbols within existing comedy, internet discourse, and rumor culture. No evidence is claimed linking any individual to violent crime. Readers are encouraged to examine timelines, facts, and context independently and draw their own conclusions.